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Well...it's 6:30 on a Saturday morning and I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning for a while now. I can't stop thinking about the kids in the orphanage and it's been a week since I've returned home. I just received an email from Mandy last night. They were supposed to receive 3 newborns this week. Unfortunately, 2 of them have already died. I feel so sad that they left this earth without the opportunity to be loved...every infant deserves at least that. However, I also feel grateful that they have been blessed and will avoid the inevitable heartache and pain that is present in so many of these orphans lives.
The orphanage also received another little girl yesterday. We don't know how old she is, but the guesstimate is around 6 years. She is frightened and totally out of her element. Her dad died, and her alcoholic mom abandoned her. There is also a 2 month old sibling, they're working on getting her too.
Jaquelyn arrived absolutely filthy, and with a horrible case of head lice. So bad that they have started to burrow themselves into her scalp. They immediately applied the lice medicine, but it isn't helping. They had to go get her hair cut, and we're hoping they with more treatments it will go away.
It kills me to hear about these kids and not be there to hug and love them. I am considering going back to the orphanage in December. I NEED to go back. I love every single one of them and all the worldly cares go away when I'm helping them. When I'm there, it's not about me, I don't even care about things as gross as lice!! They have helped show me what's truly important. I'm also so much more aware of how blessed I am, and I'm so grateful for the good in my life. I have so much to be grateful for.
Mandy said Levi is sick. I'm a little worried about him. They don't have good healthcare there, and I hope he can just get better on his own. That's the hard part about being an inexperienced mom, you're not really sure when to let the kids ride out an illness and when they need to see a doctor. I hope he starts feeling better soon.

As for me...I'm finally starting to feel better. I got sick on the last day of my trip, and I've spent most of my week home in bed. From what I've heard, every single person went home sick....so I'm not alone in the sicky department. That might be another reason why I'm struggling to get back into my life again...I haven't been able to get back into my routine. Hopefully next week will be a more productive and normal week.

Update: The new girl Jaquelyn ran away from the orphanage. No one has seen or heard from her since. We are all worried about her, and hope she is okay. We will keep looking for her.

Love Notes

Make a Smilebox slideshow

I received a couple hand written notes from the kids. Some were hidden, and tucked away for me to find later. They are so cute, and special...I thought I'd post them so I can always see them.

I also received an email from Alejandra. It made me cry, and I wish I could adopt her...even if she is 14. She is an incredibly good girl...and is amazing in so many ways.

hola! martita
espero que estes bien quiero que sepas que te quiero mucho y que nunca te voy ha
olvidar tueres una persona muy especial para mi y para el hogar espero que regreses muy pronto
porque te bamos estar esperando te quiero mucho muchooooooooooooooooooooooooo
eres una buena amiga para mi y espero que tengas exito en tu vida y que tus beibis esten bien
I miss you and I am sad for you because you is very especial and I am happy with you
thanks for your hep in the orphanege


ale

Journal: Day 8

Last night was our final evening. We made hot dogs and nachos for all the kids. They all thought it was awesome! We even planned on roasting smores over a campfire, but it started pouring rain as soon as it was time. We took one final group picture, and happily played for the rest of the eve ning.
Before bedtime, Guillermo gathered everyone together in the kitchen for one last meeting. H e wanted to let everyone know how much he appreciated all the work and support we've been able to give. He also said that he knew we would go back home and tell our family and friends about our experiences here, and that they would be inspired to help through our enthusiasm. He said that the support of the volunteers is what helps the m keep going each day. He then asked if some of the volunteers would say a few words about the experiences they've had. I offered to speak first and I asked Mari yah to translate for me. I told them I loved them I didn't exactly know why I was here, because I've never done anything like this before. I felt lead by the spirit to help, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of the experience. I was nervous when I arrived, b ut I was welcomed with su ch friendship and love. I told each of the children that I love them, and that being a part of their lives has deeply affected me, and changed who I am. I told them I will never forget the m, and I will continue to be a part of their lives.
It was a very emotional meeting, and everyone held it together until Ken spoke. He is an incredible guy, and showed such love for both volunteers and children. By the time he finished, not o nly were the adults all in tears....so were all the children. Some of the kids wanted to say something to all of us....but could not get any words out b ecause they were crying so hard. The genuine sadness of the children literally broke my heart.
After the meeting was over I hugged Alejandra, and we cried for a few minutes. T hen Abigail, Mayerlli , Jennifer, and Deanna all hu gged me at the same time and were sobbing, telling me they loved me, and asking me not to forget them. I was especially surprised to see Abigail showing such emotion. She is so emotionall y closed off from everyone, and I d idn't think we had really connected. Wh at I learned was that we connected, but she attac hes herself to others in a different way. She doesn't verbally communicate with me, but she watches, sees, and feels everything. All I could do was tell them over and over "I love You" while we hugged and cried. We lef t the house at 4:00 am to m ake it to the airport on time. It's going to be an extremely long flight, and I'm dreading it a lready. I can't believe I'm going to be home in my own bed tonight. I miss the kids already, and I'm worried I'll never see them again. How am I going to make this experience s omethi ng more than just another event in a scrapbook? I must ponder this week extensively over the next coup le days.

Sadly, the cargo box never arrived. It was finally released on Thursday fro m the port, but not in time for us. Friday is a capitol holiday, and Saturday and Sunday they are closed. So....it's being del ivered on Monday. I'm so sad I wasn't able to help receive it, b ut regardless it's going to help them tremend ously. I hope I can communicate to eve ryone w ho helped donate items and supplies h ow appreciated a nd desperately needed t hey are. The beds a nd sheets we slept on w ere horrible! We had NO extra sh eets, pillow, or blankets. We were especially pa ranoid with the lice incident....but there wasn't anything we co uld do about it. The toilet paper was basically sand paper, and the towels never felt clean. Everyo ne is so excited for the supplies to arrive becaus e everything is in shortage there. Most importantly....NONE of the volunteers got lice. Go Marta and Mandy!!!!

I'm on the plane finally, heading to Miami. I won't arrive home until about 10 pm. All I want to do it sleep. Kevin is still feeling terrible and probably will need to see a doctor when he gets home. I'm so grateful for the chance to travel with him and get to know him better. His heart is huge, and he makes so many sacrifices. He is changing the lives of these kids, and helping to provide them a life full of opportunity. I can't believe it's over.......

Final Group Photo

Journal: Day 7

Eating Lunch at Pana

The kids are doing great. They are starting to realize that we leave soon, and are so sad. I can't even think about saying goodbye to them. Last night we had a dinner at the church with all the members of their ward. The food was incredible, and everyone had tons of f un. The Stake President is an awesome guy, and has helped Kevin out so much. We're really grateful for all his suppor t. On the way home, the president gave all of us a ride in the ba ck of his truck. Kids and all. It was one dangerous ride, b ut the kids had a blast and were laughing and screaming all the way home.
Kevin got sick. He looks and feels awful. I don't know how he's goin g to make it all the way home on Sunday. He can hardly stand, and can't eat any food. I gave him so medicine, and ken gave him his antibiotics. I really hope it helps him, because as of right now he's pretty nonfunctional. If you know Kevin, then you know that it really must be bad. I've never seen a more dedicated person who selflessly gives so much.
Today a wo man from the capitol called to check on Baby Levi. She also told us the real reason his mother gave him up. Apparently she does indeed have a husband, and they even ha ve 4 children together. Her husband has been living and working in the United States for the past 2 years. While he's been away, she had an affair, and got pregnant. L evi was the result of that affair. She didn't want her husband to find out, so she decided to give him up and force her other 4 children to kee p the secret. The orphanage has also been asked by the capitol to receive 5 more newborns!! We don't have the room, s o we can only accept 3 of the infants. They will arrive early next week, and I'm so excited for them !




Today we went to see what they say are the 'Waters Of Mormon'. It's absolutely beautiful, and sooo big! We got l ucky with a beautiful clear day, so we were able to see everything. On the way there we were all dying from the winding mountainous r oads, not to mention the gargantuan pot holes and crazy driving ala bus driver. We even had to pull over to let Lindsay and Skylar throw up multiple times. It was not pretty, and we w ere all grateful there were no accidents in the car. We also went shopping in Pana. I got myself a few little things. Jewelry, bags, bini, stuff like that. It was fun but felt really strange about leavi ng on our last day so we could go sightse eing. I feel like maybe I should have just stayed home with the kids. However, I do think it's been a long week, and I needed a little break. The kids missed us tons and greeted us at the door with hugs and kisses. It's amazing how attached they've gotten to us. They are amazing kids.

Journal: Day 5

It's been a busy day. Mandy and I rearranged th e nursery, playroom, nanny bedroom, and the boys rooms. I am exhausted! That was a huge project, but I think everyone's happy with the resu lts.
We got horrible news about the cargo box. It's still being released from the port and we will NOT receive it before the time we leave on Sunday. I'm just sick about it, and Kevin feels worse. When we were talking about it, I could tell he was trying to keep his emotions in check. He's done everything, a nd anything he can possibly do, and still...no success. At this point, we just have to let it go, and continue to look at the bigge r picture. It will undoubtedly be released into possession of the orphanage.....just not while we're here to help. Ah....it makes me sick. I guess when you're trying so hard to do something good, you have to know that there will always be o pposition in all things.
I gave little Jo se a bath today. He was absolutely filthy, and we had so much fun! I lathered him up, was hed his hair, and I eve n let little Paula help. She was so excited! Then I noticed the bruises up and down his back from earlier physical ab use. I love that little boy. His mother came to visit a little bit ago, and when she tried to pic k him up, he started to cry and was scared of her. He has this heartbreaking look on his fa ce when he is scared or thinks he is in trouble. It is a face of GENUINE fear. How could a parent beat a child? I pray that he is too y oung to r emember what his life was like.
I a lso l ear ned that Mayerlli was left in an outdoor market, and her moth er told her to forget she ha s a family. She was left to fend for herself like a stray dog. Today she is sweet, and gentle, and loves an y one who will love her back. She has suc h a wonderful disposition, and seems genuinely h appy at the orphanage. I love her smile a nd how she radiates when she laughs!!
I have observ ed so much aggression in some of the kids. Paula actually bit Deanna on the arm today making her bleed and bruise. It's obv ious where this behavior is learned because t hey tell us that t h eir parents used to beat them all the tim e. When they love, they love with their wh ole heart. When they're angry, it's aggressive a nd mean. Esduardo , Deanna, and Paula are such great k ids and it makes me sick that they've had such adversity in their lives. I'm so glad they have each other for support. I love them all.

It's been a little bit of a strange day for me . I've felt very emotional and had to put my feeling in check more than once to keep my emotions under control. At dinner tonight, I found myself tearing up as I was watching how happy and well t aken care of they are here. They are so lucky to have a person like Kevin in their lives. I t's so cute how they love him. Every single child calls him Papa Oso which in english means Papa Bear. He h as more lov e for them than they will ever comprehend. Ken has also been an awesome support to these kids. He is sooo good
w ith them a nd he is such a good example. I c an see that they really look up to him.
M artita made tamales for Ken tonight. I love that little lady! She takes such good care of everyone, an d she was so excited to make a special dinner. She spent all day preparin g them, and then cook ing them over a fire in the backyard. She even dressed up for th e occasion. Martita is AWESOME!





The chicken coop is done!! I can't be lieve what an incredible job Ken and Kevin have done. They practically the whole thing themselves. It's more of an chicken mansion!! It will house up to 5 0 chickens, and they have every luxury any chicken would like! It's actually nicer than some people's house s that I saw there!
I can't believe it's Friday tomorrow. Where has the week gone? I love hanging out with Mandy. We get along so well, and both are Nazi's. I'm also getting to know Lindsay as well too. She's a really sweet person, and has been awes ome about helping with the kids. I really appreciate her willingness to help with the kids! I'm so tired all the time, and it's hard work....surprisingly hard. I'm sooo tired of washing dishes , and cleaning the kitchen. It's a NEVER ENDING PROCESS! I have no idea how thes e women live like this their entire lives!!I truly am so blessed!!!

Journal: Day 4

It's been an overwhelming 2 days. We received our first infant yesterday. We got him from the capitol when Guillermo and Mandy went to drop off more paperwork. The mother had just arrived and was in the next office ready to hand over the baby. When Mandy went in the room to take her baby she said that the Mother was crying and so were the other ch ildren she had brought with her. She said she was a single mother, and already had 3 children to care for. She said that it would be impossible to keep him. Her son is 8 days old , and his name is Levi. He is soo tiny, so sweet, and he never cries. Late last night as I was rocking him, I was overwhelmed by the situation. I couldn't imagine how it must feel to sit at home with empty arms, wondering what would become o f my child. Here I am, with HER baby in MY arms, wondering how in the world I got here. Levi will never know his mother and father. Levi may very will spend the rest of his young life in an orphanage. My heart aches for the things they will never know or have.
I don't have a clue about how to care for an 8 day old baby. He has so many needs, but he's unbelievably good. The majority of responsibility falls on Mandy, and she's doing an awesome job with him. I help her out a lot because I think I'm the only one she trusts him with, and we wor k really well as a team . I think sharing the responsibilty of Levi makes it not so scar y. The kids love him, and always want to touch him. We have to remind them that they're not allowed to touch him with their hands, but Mandy lets them give him kisses. They love showing him love.


I just have to make a quick vent and then I'm done. I am deeply disappointed with some o f the other volunteers that are here. They have proved to be more of a burden than an asset to the orphanage. I'm embarrassed by their lack of work ethic, and respect for what is being done here. It should not be treated as a vacation or sightseeing trip. I am trying no t to let their laziness affect me, but I'm so frustrated with their lack of respect and consideration for other people. It's made me realize how much I've grown up in the last couple years, and reminded me of why I'm so selective with friends. I just have to focus on the children, and I'm reminded why I'm here. Volunteering isn't glamorous....it's REALLY hard work!! It shouldn't be treated as this 'token' humanitarian effort, where you make it look like you really did something great, but then the minute the picture's taken... you're done. ANYWAY...that's it... I'm done...I've said my piece.....back to the good stuff.
The cargo box should arrive tomorrow with all the donations. I can't wait, and we have so much work to do when it arrives. I hope there aren't any more problems.

Journal: Day 3

It's been a very long and busy day for me. I started off the day with a delicious breakfast of beans and eggs. The cook Martita is back, and she is awesome!! I pig out on her food, and she loves me for it. I'm determined to get her black bean recipe, and pancake recipe!!

The Baby Nursery


Mandy and I organized the nursery today. It took about 3-4 hours, and I'm really pleased with our progress. We're very meticulous about how we do it, so it doesn't create more work in the long run. Still....there's so much work to be done.
We discovered one of the little girls has lice....only to discover ALL the girls have lic e....only to discover that the entire place is covered in them! We took each of the children and applied, set, washed, and combed their hair. Mandy and I did almost every step. We were even the lucky ones to comb out the lice. It was actually pretty horrific. I couldn't believe how big they were, and so many!!! It took 4 long hours, and I'm still not sure we got rid of them. I have a feeling they may have come from one of the new arrivals that were living on the streets. Hers was one of the worst. By the time we finished, my skin was crawling, BUT...I could feel their gratitude. It made me feel good to do something that no one else wanted to do. They kept hugging me and saying "Thank You" with their faces pressed to my stomach. I'm so attached to them, even when they're being naughty, and sometimes I start to tear up with I think about having to say goodbye. How will I ever do it??
I had a wonderful opportunity for the first time to have some one-on-one time with Erica and Alejandra. These are beautiful and amazing girls. Alejandra is 14 and wants to be a surgeon. She graduates from high school next year when she turns 15, and will apply to her intermediate school right away. Erica is 19 and has one year left of her bilingual secretarial program. She spends so many hours at school, and t hen has lots of homework. Then she spends the rest of the day cooking and cleaning for everyone. She is amazing and I have soooo much respect for both of them. I have promised before the week is over to pay for all their school supplies to get them through the next school year. As the 2 oldest children, I really want to see them succeed and make their own way. I have also promised to keep in touch with them by email, and asked that they let me know if they are in need of anything. Education is soo important for these girls, and they deserve the opportunity.

Journal: Day 2

We arrived late last night. Guillermo rented a van to pick us up, along with our luggage. Some of the kids were waiting for us to arrive, they were all very excited. There are also an additional 4 volunteers here that we weren't expect ing, nor were they expecting us! It was a little awkward, and took a little while to sort through the confusion, but we have united and combined our efforts.
I only got ab out 5 hours sleep last night, and then we woke up ea rly, got ready, ate breakfast, and walked to church. The children are adorable, and it was my opportunity to get to know them a little better. I carried little J ose in my arms the entire way with Jennifer holding my other hand. The children are so loving, and only want to be hugged, and loved by us. All during Sacrament Meeting I had about 3 kids glued to my side. It amazes me how quickly they trust and attach themselves to us.
The orphanage building itself is wonderful. This is an amazing and safe place for them. They truly are s o lucky to have t he opportunity to live here. They all seem genuinely happy to be here.


There are now 10 children here. Jose is the newest of the bunch. He is about 1 1/2 years old, and arrived about 2 week s ago. H is Step Father was physically abusing him, and in the process broke his ribs and c racked his skull. He was brought here by the pol ice. I cannot comprehend how things like this occur to children.


Brian, another new boy, was adopted out by a Guatemalan couple because they believed they c ouldn't have children of their own. The woman eventually conceiv ed a child with her husband, and th ey promptly put him back in the system. They adopted him when he was 3, and kept him for 4 years!!! (He's now 7) Brian is adapting well, but you see his sadness when he thinks no one is looking. He's desperate to please, and find loving acceptance. He's a wonderful littl e boy and his intelligence level surprises me. He's got lots of potential.
Esduardo , Deanna, and Paula are all siblings. The youngest, Paula, was only given 3 days to live due to malnutr ition. She has thrived at the orphanage because of the love and care that has been given. Her mother was a prostitute and would leave the children unattended for days on end, eventually abandoning them leaving Esduardo (7) to care for his younger sisters Deanna(4) and Paula(1 1/2). There was a fire in the home and it burned down their house, and left Deanna with her hair burned off on one side of her head. It's still growing back. This left the children homele ss. Esduardo cared for his 2 sist ers for 3 months on the streets before being found. Th e police brought them to the
orphanage. Esduardo , is one of the most affectionate boys I've ever met. He just glows when given one-on-one time, and needs so much to be hugged. You can literally feel him melting u nder the embrace of a simple hug. I think he's still understandably dealing with residual emotional and anger issues from their past, but is learning to work through them the best that they can. They are sweet children and all 3 have a very close bond with each other.
Every single one of the kids has a story. All of them are ones ful l of heartache and disappointments , but in spite of it all they display an incredible amount of strength and trus t. I can't wait to get to know them better and observe them a little more.



*Cargo box is still at the Port, with no official release date. We MUST have it by Wednesday. Kevin and ken are going first thing in the morning to bribe them at the dock so we can expedite the already delayed shipment. I guess that's just how they roll here in Guatemala.

Journal: Day 1

I'm sitting on the airplane flying high above the clouds, and I'm finally on my way. We will arrive in Guatemala City in about an hou r. I'm already exhausted, but anticipating our adventure. I'm traveling with Kevin, Mandy, and Mariyah . Kevin is President of the organization, and has a bigger heart than anyone I know. He's incredibly devoted to this organization, and the children. It motivates me to do more. Mandy is the girl who originally got this all started. She is an incredibly sweet girl and I enjoy getting to know her. I hope that we can grow together this week, and have s ome fun experiences together. Mariyah is the other volunteer. She just returned from a mission in Guatemala, and is very excited to return to the city and people she loves so much. She 's really outgoing and we hit it off immediately. I'm glad she laughs and jokes a lot with us.
My voice is raw because the 4 of us have essentially been talking for the last 12 hours. We have been brainstorming ideas to he lp the children from long term goals to short term goals. Education opportunities....fundraising ideas...anything you can think of..we've discussed. I think we may have come up with some really great ideas and we'll just have to do some research and analysis. There's still so much that has to be done, it's overwhelming, but in the end can help make their lives better.
The steel box with the donations, and the 4-Runner had some delays at the port. We won't receive it until the middle of next week. That means...I'm not entirely sure how we're getting to the orphanage. I heard something about a truck, and sitting in back with the luggage. I'm not sure. I'm only hope it's not true. Either way, from what I hear about the suicidal driving that goes on, it should be 45 minutes of white knuckling fun!! Lets get this started!